Those of us seeking to build a happy marriage have probably already recognized the fact that love is the basis of everything. By its very nature, it is strong, dynamic, creative and, therefore, always puts us in motion. Therefore, our relationship goals should be to always keep our marriage thriving in the midst of all circumstances.
However, to keep the flame of love burning in our marriage, it is necessary to be attentive to some important aspects, one of them is to avoid the routine.
When talking about routine, I refer to the fact when things are done mechanically and by mere habit. This leads to monotony, that is, to always do the same, at the same time and in the same way.
In the end, everything ends up being super bored and discouraged.
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In The Beginning
At first, everything was beautiful, we enjoyed what we used to do and loved spending time together. With the years, things have completely turned around and we begin to feel that love past us or it is even over.
Even if the marriage is going well, we tend to take our relationship goals for granted.
For some of us, life can be very hectic. There are too many demands on our time. However, despite all the activities that demand our time, energy and attention, it is the love of the married couple that must serve as the foundation.
The marriage relationship develops and evolves naturally in phases. For example, during courtship falling in love is a time full of discoveries.
This is usually marked by the joviality of the couple surrounded by innumerable options of activities, and where there is very little time left even to think about the routine.
The Reality of Life Sets In
Then, the courtship comes with the realities of that phase, where the knowledge deepens and the thoughts, ideas, and plans for the wedding arise. At this point is also very rare that the routine reaches the couple.
Even in the first months or years of marriage, the climate of discovery and enthusiasm keeps the relationship goals in a “honeymoon” style. Then, God willing comes pregnancy, children, career concerns, and the topic of finances, etc.
This is when the focus of our marriage changes.
It is at this moment that, if we are not attentive and without us realizing it, the routine is established and can undermine the structures that love took so long to consolidate.
The routine can cloud our ability to perceive that there is an issue. Over the years things that looked attractive can become routine and end up boring.
However, here is when we need to ask ourselves: “how can we escape from routine in our marriage?” Before we go into my recommendations on the relationship goals to fight the routine, I would like you to read my blog post: “Life After Having Children: 10 Keys to Maintain Your Relationship Thriving”. In this article I offer some tips to address this challenge and set you off of a path to keep your marriage going strong.
Choosing to marry and share your life with someone is one of the most important decisions you can make in life.
In an actionable, eye-opening talk, psychiatrist George Blair-West shares three keys to preventing divorce.
Relationship Goals To Fight The Routine
There are certain behaviors that can affect a marriage. In the article titled “7 Behaviors That Ruin a Relationship”, Dr. Lisa Firestone makes us affair of these behaviors and the ways to create a more satisfying relationship.
With this in mind, let me take a moment to share some relationship goals, which I consider being the most important to escape from the routine. I encourage you to put them into practice so that your marriage can be fruitful, happy and renewed by love every day.
1. Do Not Lose the Curiosity
Never lose interest in discovering new facets of your spouse. It does not matter how long we have been married. There is always an opportunity to know something new about your spouse.
We should avoid the tendency to claim that we know everything that there is to know about your spouses. The fact is that, as the relationship progresses, the spouses should establish new priorities, goals and impose challenges that will keep them in constant development.
2. Use Creativity to Surprise Your Spouse
Do not wait for special occasions like a birthday or Christmas to give your partner a gift. One a day that is not a particularly special date, think about a detail that will surprise your spouse.
Think about the things that your spouse likes. You do not have to go out of your way on this one. The idea is to focus on details that are out of the ordinary to you know will make your spouse feel good.
Another thing you may want to consider doing is to buy a simple present that shows that you are always thinking about your spouse. Remember that it is not the price that matters, but the detail.
A good example of something interesting, creative, and out of the ordinary to do is the DIY Plaster Project below. Not only this is unusual, but it also increases the couple engagement.
3. Do Activities Outside of Your Daily Routine
Plan a weekend at the beach, go for a hike in the mountains or in the countryside, plan a visit to an art museum. Try to do this at least once a month. The idea here is to be flexible, considerate, and understanding with each other.
This is done by enjoying an activity that the wife likes first. Then, the next time one that the husband enjoys.
4. Be Willing to Change The Setting and Try Something Unexpected
Agree to meet after work and have a light dinner at an inexpensive place. You can even make arrangement to enjoy a dinner theater or a night at the movies, a game of mini-golf, or a date at a coffee shop.
You may want to find ways for intimate encounters at different times and from time to time, at a place other than the home.
5. Have a Dinner Date Without The Children
A date night out is preferred. However, if this is not possible, you can take to or leave your children with someone you trust and have a candlelight dinner at home.
6. Reaffirm Your Love For Your Spouse
All of us are always in need of feeling loved. Take into account all of what you did during the courtship. Recover that magic. Send loving messages through email, chat or cell phone.
There is a way to social media for your own mutual benefit.
Use messaging to stay in touch with your spouse with a simple note or message saying: “I love you”, “miss you”, etc.
That helps keep the passion alive.
7. Do Not be Afraid To Show Affection
Do not be afraid to show affection. Do not take for granted that your spouse loves you. Have you seen an older couple sitting in a park bench holding hands. What a beautiful sight that is…shouldn’t that be the same at all stages of marriage?
8. Do Activities Together
- Practice a sport or board games like tennis, hiking, swimming, chess, ping-pong, cycling, dancing, jogging. It is proven that exercise adds energy, gives vitality and even stimulates the gland of happiness, so why not choose one of these and practice it with the person you love?
- Read a book together and discuss it. Sometimes some of these books are made into a film. If that is the case, we can go together with our spouse to see it and compare it with the book.
- Cook together. Although you have to eat every day we can vary our meals and use our creativity, as well as our spouses, help in fixing them.
- Record important dates and events. Add photos and videos. The family history is an undeniable legacy for future generations.
- Change the placement of the furniture to give your home a new look. Go out together to find some decoration that you like, such as plants, flowers, a painting, a rug, a lamp.
- Make a garden or do some gardening together. This activity requires dedication, but the fruits of mutual work are not only physical, but the enjoyment elevates your soul and narrows your relationship.
However, it is all about our understanding of love. Therefore, I recommend the following books that are an easy read to give you some ideas:
9. Find Common Friends
Invite friends who have values in common with yours to spend and share pleasant moments together. Sociability is important in the life of every human being and it is healthy and necessary to break the routine in the marriage.
10. Consider Doing a Service Project Together
There is always some service you can offer, be it to some child, to a neighbor, to the community, to your church, etc. Dedicating time to help solve the needs of others, serves to forget of yourself for a moment and makes the spouses feel useful, as well as happy.
Conclusion
We have to fight to avoid falling into a routine by facing the challenges of life in our marriage in an objective manner. We have to learn to face these challenges as a couple.
It is important to mention that in our marriage there must be a mutual agreement, companionship, spontaneity, a good spirit without being afraid to try new things.
In our marriage, we must motivate each other and not let the days, the months and the years always stay the same.
Life does not have to be lived statically and without changes.
Life is about growing, and as we grow old in love with our spouse, we also grow in heart, soul, and experience.
Above all, avoiding routine will help us share with our spouses the journey of life full of surprises every single day.
What have you done to avoid falling into a routine in your marriage? What has worked and what has not? I would love to hear your thoughts.
